Queer spaces have long been tied to nightlife culture, born from necessity in bars and clubs where safety and community were first found. But what started as a sanctuary has, for some, become a source of harm. As rates of addiction, relapse, and overdose climb across the LGBTQ+ population, we must reckon with an uncomfortable truth: celebration shouldn’t come at the cost of our lives.

This is not a call to ban alcohol from queer spaces. This is a call for balance, choices, and inclusive celebration that embraces sobriety as more than just abstinence but as joy, vitality, and connection on our own terms.

The Queer Addiction Crisis

A 2020 study from the National Institute on Drug Abuse found that LGBTQ adults are more than twice as likely to experience substance use disorders as their heterosexual peers. Rates among transgender individuals are even higher, driven by disproportionate levels of stigma, trauma, and mental health challenges. Among queer men, the use of methamphetamine, particularly in the context of sex, remains a pressing public health concern.

Experts point to three main reasons: community norms that normalize heavy use; expectations that partying is part of queer life; and the ongoing trauma and stress of discrimination. The COVID-19 pandemic only deepened the crisis. Isolated and vulnerable, many LGBTQ individuals relapsed or found themselves using more to cope.

A Movement Takes Root

In 2009, a group of newly sober gay men in Manhattan attended a church-basement dance on Pride weekend. The event was meant to be a safe space, but the atmosphere was somber, the crowd sparse. As fireworks lit up the Hudson River, one of them asked, “Why isn’t there something big and fun for us?”

That question sparked a movement. The following year, that same group pooled their resources and threw a sober Pride party they dubbed “The Wild West.” It was rowdy, vibrant, and completely alcohol-free. Over 300 people showed up.

That night, Gay & Sober was born.

Since then, the organization has grown into one of the largest sober LGBTQ+ event producers in the world. What began as a single party has evolved into a full-fledged nonprofit that now hosts events in Fire Island, Amsterdam, and Tennessee, with plans to soon expand to London. The decision to host an event in Tennessee was both political and personal, as queer people living in states hostile to LGBTQ+ rights also deserve queer and sober safe spaces. Similarly, the London expansion was prompted by rising rates of methamphetamine use in the city’s gay male population.

More Than Just Abstinence

Gay & Sober isn’t about replacing one scene with another. It’s about reimagining what joy can look like when it’s not filtered through a substance.

In fact, not everyone who attends these events identifies as being in recovery. Today, an estimated 10% of attendees are “sober curious,” or people who want to explore a life without substances, even if they don’t use the language of addiction. Another 10% are allies or loved ones. The remaining 80% come from traditional 12-step backgrounds.

Gay & Sober’s programming reflects this diversity. The annual conference includes workshops on sober dating, sexual health, meditation, trauma recovery, and more. Keynote speakers have included folks ranging from The Velvet Rageauthor Dr. Alan Downs to former presidential candidate Marianne Williamson and designer Marc Jacobs.

Whether someone is newly sober, curious about quitting, or thirty years into recovery, the message is the same: you belong here. You deserve joy. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Pushback and Progress

The journey hasn’t been without criticism. Some old-school AA members have balked at the party atmosphere. “Go-go dancers at a sober event?” one detractor asked. Others raised concerns about sexual energy being triggering, particularly for those recovering from chemsex addiction.

Gay & Sober responded not by scaling back but by expanding. They introduced programming to directly address these issues: workshops on sober intimacy, boundaries, and harm reduction; guided meditations; and peer-led recovery circles.

Sobriety doesn’t mean sitting quietly in the corner while the rest of the world celebrates. It doesn’t mean exclusion from queer joy, culture, or community. It means agency. It means safety. It means showing up to your life fully present, fiercely proud, and radically alive. As Gay & Sober continues to grow, one thing is clear: the future of queer nightlife includes sober spaces. And that future is already here.

Because addiction may be dark, but recovery can be electric.

Mario Moreno is an alumnus of Gay & Sober, since its creation on Facebook in 2009, and has been involved in their annual conference as Volunteer Coordinator (2018-2019, 2021) and as Co-Chair (2022).