Former National Rugby League (NRL) player Kane Evans says he finally feels “free” after publicly coming out as gay, becoming the first men’s professional rugby league player to do so since Ian Roberts more than three decades ago in 1995.

In an emotional interview with Channel Nine’s ‘100% Footy’, Evans revealed that he spent years living in denial about his sexuality while battling addiction, homelessness and suicidal thoughts, revealing: “I’ve been fighting a war within since I was about 15 years old, and it’s not sustainable.”

The former prop forward said he had achieved his childhood goals of playing in the NRL and buying his parents a house, but had long believed he would eventually take his own life because he could not accept who he was. Evans credited former player Joe Galuvao and the Rugby League Players Association with helping him seek treatment and begin rebuilding his life, saying their support made him realise that “maybe death isn’t in the plan for me yet.”

Evans also praised Sydney Roosters coach Trent Robinson, who welcomed him back to the club after rehabilitation and helped cover some of his living expenses while he focused on his mental health. The 34-year-old celebrated four months of sobriety in May and said coming out had brought him a sense of peace he had never experienced before.

“I’ve carried [hiding my sexuality] around my whole life,” Evans said. “I’m here today to show people that you don’t have to live like that. Even now I feel a bit more free, just by saying it out loud, I’ve brought it to the light. I feel peace within, and I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I’m a bit proud of myself and when I look in the mirror, I’m going to smile now, not have those bad thoughts.”

Roberts, who came out in 1995, told the Daily Telegraph he was moved to tears watching the interview, “Everything he was saying… I thought ‘this poor kid’, I know exactly where he is in his head, what he is going through, the extremes of uncertainty of your own sense of self and your sense of other people,” he said.