Jen Silverman’s debut novel, We Play Ourselves, reads like the work of a more established novelist. Silverman is no novice though. She has a body of work as a playwright and staff writer for TV shows and her sense of pacing shows clearly in the book’s plot. The reader learns from the first two pages they’re in the assured hands of a writer who knows how to immediately captivate. The protagonist, a playwright named Cass, has fled the theatre world in New York, where she has become infamous, to hide out in relative anonymity in LA. She did something horrible in New York, this act is not initially disclosed, but it’s bad enough to destroy her professional life. And that’s just the first few pages. The richness doesn’t stop there.
Part of the engrossing tension of the book is waiting to find out what it is Cass did, but plenty happens before that startling reveal. The plot weaves between two time periods, one delves into Cass’s life as an up-and-coming playwright in New York City, and the other focuses on her post-NYC life in LA, where she seeks to escape from her past foibles. But of course, as the cliché goes, everywhere you go there you are.… Cass is forced to confront her demons in LA despite her desire to escape them. Silverman does a masterful job of creating a protagonist who does unlikeable things and has unlikeable thoughts but whom the reader still roots for her. Silverman imbues Cass with a fully-realized personality; she is funny, vulnerable, sardonic, and soft-hearted beneath the carapace she hides behind. To Cass, success equals happiness. She desperately wants to be famous, the star playwright, the woman of the moment. Despite her flaws, or maybe because of them, we want her to do well.
When we see her in NYC, Cass, the winner of a prestigious playwriting award, is having her first major play produced. It’s a high-profile production with a big-name director and a TV star in the lead. Cass falls in love with the director, Helene, and starts an affair with the TV star. Helene rejects Cass’s advances and offers sage advice about her career and putting her art first. The director tells Cass to never sabotage herself in order to punish someone else. The idea that Cass may wish others ill is central to this character exploration. When her play receives a spectacularly bad review, her worst fears are realized; her actions following this fallout force her to flee New York.
When she lands in LA, Cass is at an emotional low point. While seeking anonymity, Cass meets Caroline, her charismatic next-door neighbor who is directing a film about a group of teenage girls in a fight club. She becomes the director’s number two and grows increasingly appalled at the uber-manipulative way the girls in the film are treated. Cass grows to care for one of the girls, BB, and wants the best for her. Her compassion toward BB is in stark contrast to the wholly self-centered existence she’s been living. As Cass slowly realizes the extent of the artifice of the film and the exploitation of the girls, she becomes engaged in a furious campaign to free the young women from mistreatment.
Through these various plotlines, philosophical questions arise. Where does happiness come from? Is it the heady feeling that comes with great success or the peace of mind that comes with some humility? Cass’s story is about how our worst thoughts and impulses can diminish our world. How do we work our way back? Is success the only route to happiness?
Along with Cass’s personal journey to redeem herself is a narrative rich with details on both the Hollywood system and the New York theatre scene, details that don’t put either in a particularly good light. Silverman has inside knowledge of both, and she seamlessly guides the reader through these well-drawn worlds.
We Play Ourselves contains a page-turning plot, with a truly complex character at its core. Silverman is a talented writer and knows exactly how to pace the story so the reader remains suspended in the intense world of the novel. I had a hard time putting the book down, which is always one of the best compliments a writer can receive. Silverman deserves it.
We Play Ourselves
by Jen Silverman
Penguin Random House
Hardcover, 9780399591525, February 2021
Taking care of our sexual needs in conventional times has often been a challenge, but with the outbreak of COVID and the ensuing lockdowns, it has become difficult on an entirely different scale. We’ve got to navigate risk, determine our comfort zones and find other who share those same boundaries. The funny thing is, we know how to do this. This is not our first pandemic and gay men have already had to navigate disease, persecution, and violence when pursuing sex. In the face of all of these challenges, we remain resilient and that is perhaps our greatest superpower.
The pandemic and the lockdown policies left many gay men vulnerable economically, physically, and mentally. In a recent survey of LGBT individuals, 30 percent of respondents reported feeling physically and emotionally unsafe in their homes. Over 70 percent report experiencing anxiety since the pandemic began. Very few government policies are in place to meet the unique needs of LGBTQ+ people during COVID, and in places where gay sex is criminalized the fear of arrest or persecution creates an almost insurmountable barrier to much needed health or economic resources.ADVERTISING
Additionally, a majority of gay men reported a very high level of sexual dissatisfaction, particularly those adhering to physical distancing. Such dissatisfaction is not sustainable and eventually gay men are going to take action to have their sexual needs met. It’s natural. Sex is valuable and provides a much-needed social connection. An increase in sexual activity is inevitable but the question becomes what we have learned from this pandemic and how can we apply it to our lives going forward.
Fortunately, over a year of COVID has provided us with many opportunities to learn from this global crisis. Here are some key lessons we can glean from our newest pandemic and its impact on our lives.
Explore all the ways to be sexually satisfied. Being stuck at home and unable to meet up in person with others brought many of our sex lives to a screeching halt. Fortunately, we were able to adapt with creativity, technology, and, in some cases, a return to the classics. OnlyFans, Zoom sex parties, masturbation clubs, and phone sex were but a few of the tools that helped us get through and get off. PrEPster created a brilliant guide, Navigating COVID When Horny; it was the perfect tool to walk us through all the ways we could still pursue sexual pleasure in the midst of this global pandemic.
Improved sexual communication skills. In the midst of a pandemic, communication is key. Each of us have different risks we are willing to accept. It gets even more complicated because our comfort level around risk can change daily. This shifting comfort level is something we are familiar with from decades of HIV. The best way forward when navigating risk is clear and honest communication. Tell your partner, or partners, what your boundaries are and ask them about theirs before sex. Our sex is infinitely better if we can let go of the anxiety created by assuming or hoping they know what you want and how far you are willing to go.
It’s okay to prioritize pleasure. Pandemics suck. We’ve already lived through 40 years of a pandemic that devastated our community and now this new one comes along to pile on top of our existing fatigue. But our existence and our community are testament to the fact that you don’t give up sex just because of a pandemic. In fact, the pandemic can help bring into stark focus just how important sex and pleasure are. We have an opportunity to prioritize sex in our lives and in our movement. The pursuit of sexual fulfillment is intricately linked to our ability to determine what we do with our bodies and that is a fundamental tenant in social justice.
Gay sex spaces matter. For centuries, gay sex spaces have been a source of community and connection. Not only did they allow us to link up for sexual pleasure, but they allowed us to find those with whom we shared a common experience. It was how we found our people and built a community and social movements. Many of those gay sex spaces are now in danger of closing, if they haven’t already. What plan do we create to keep them alive? As the trajectory of this pandemic changes, there is a great deal of rebuilding that needs to be done. We can’t count on government to maintain the health of gay sex spaces around the globe. It falls to us to find creative ways to keep these spaces open and help them flourish.
Gay sex always finds a way. That should come as a great comfort to us all. Through the darkest days of the AIDS epidemic, we fostered our sexualities. In countries where gay sex is a crime, we defiantly pursue pleasure and intimacy. And we can navigate the calamity of COVID and maintain our sex lives. Our resiliency is our greatest asset and it’s one of the most profound things we can teach others. We don’t survive for sex. We survive because of it.
Alex Garner is Deputy Director, Gay Sexuality and Social Policy Initiative (GSSPI) at UCLA Luskin School of Public Affairs.
The LGBT+ community is made up of a diverse group of people from all over the world, and their stories are often overlooked in history books.
PinkNews spoke to ambassadors and workers from LGBT+ youth charity Just Like Us about the historical figures they wished they had learned about in school, from the past to the present.
Anne Lister, English landowner and diarist
Rita Leci, 21, said she learned about Anne Lister by watching the historical BBC drama Gentleman Jack. Lister is often heralded as the “first modern lesbian” as she took charge of her family’s estate and lived openly as a lesbian with her partner.
“I’ve always found her story really inspirational as she chose to go against society’s expectations by becoming a businesswoman and by choosing to be happy with someone she loves in a time when this was seriously frowned upon,” Levis said.
She explained Lister’s story “makes me realise that we are really lucky in a lot of ways, as women nowadays in the UK, to be able to pursue whatever career we like and to love and live with whomever we choose”.
Andy Warhol, American artist, film director and producer
Ramses, 25, said it took “me lots of additional reading” to discover Andy Warhol’s sexuality, despite the artist being mentioned during his modern art studies. Warhol was one of the first American artists to be gay, and his “Factory” – his studio – was a safe space for LGBT+ people, including transwomen.
“Learning about him in school would have shown me you could be LGBT+ and still be successful and famous, even in a period when discrimination was common and violent,” Ramses said. “His early drawings, movies, photographs and the community he created are a testament to the gay rights movement and an incredible contribution to LGBT+ history worldwide.”
As a trans gay man, Ramses shared that the way Warhol shaped the LGBT+ community “inspired me to get in touch with my own, creating a safe space for young LGBT+ people”.SPONSORED CONTENT
Even if you consider yourself to be in good health, it’s important to keep up with…
Alan Turing, English mathematician, computer scientist and logician
Both Roan Maclean, 23, and Daniel Mayor, 22, wished they had learned more about mathematician and World War II historical figure Alan Turing. Turing was a key member of the Allied forces cracking the Enigma Code, and he has been credited as being the father of modern computing.
“To be taught about LGBT+ history, especially ones that are at the top of their field and doing groundbreaking at the time work would have been amazing,” Mclean said. “It would have shown younger me that anything is possible.”
Mayor said he had learned about Turing’s contributions to modern computing, but nothing was said about him being gay or the way he was persecuted because of his sexuality. Turing was prosecuted in 1952 for homosexual acts, and he died by suicide in 1954.
Mayor said it would have been “very powerful” if he knew that an LGBT+ person like Turing had such an “amazing impact on the world”.
Jack Bee Garland, author, journalist and nurse
Like many people, Emma Fay, director of education at Just Like Us, admitted to having not realised that “trans people had existed throughout history”. Fay said it was a “real awakening” to “discover the people out there who are bringing trans history to light and busting the often-repeated myth that we don’t know anything about it”.
“In particular, I wish I’d known about Jack Bee Garland, who I learned about for the first time recently while reading CN Lester’s book Trans Like Me,” Fay said. “That book has had a huge influence on how I understand gender and introduced me to loads of interesting trans people throughout time.”
Jack Bee Garland was born in San Francisco in 1869 and lived as a male in the city’s Tenderloin District. Garland adopted the male identity of Beebe Beam and accompanied the US Army to the Philippines in 1899 to participate in the Philippine War. When Garland became sick and was “found out”, his fellow soldiers were incredible allies, chipping in money to help him, helping him escape and even breaking him out of prison.
“It’s such an amazing piece of history that I wish I’d learned about at school,” Fay said.
Marsha P Johnson, American queer liberation activist
Jemima Churchhouse, 23, said she would have liked to have learned about Marsha P Johnson at school. Johnson was an outspoken, revolutionary Black trans woman who co-founded the Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries (STAR), an organisation that provided housing to homeless LGBT+ youth and sex workers in New York in the 1970s.
Johnson was a popular figure in New York City’s gay art scene, even modelling for Andy Warhol, and she was one of the prominent figures in the Stonewall uprising of 1969. As trans rights are hotly debated in the UK and worldwide, Churchhouse said it was essential “that we remember that trans people such as Marsha have always fought alongside LGB+ people for our rights”.
“I wish I’d been taught that trans women, and especially trans women of colour, have always been at the forefront of the Gay Liberation movement,” Churchhouse said. “I’m so grateful to all of the LGBT+ people who came before me and have helped allow me to live freely and authentically.”
DJ Ritu, radio presenter and activist
Taz Rasul, director of volunteering at Just Like Us, said she would have liked to have learned about DJ Rita as a teenager. She explained: “15-year-old me was fine with my sexuality, but embarrassed about being Asian. Asians weren’t cool or relevant.”
Rasul said learning about a broadcaster and activist like DJ Ritu “might have forced open my view of who Asians are a little earlier in my life”. Ritu is a British Asian lesbian who helped run the UK’s first South Asian lesbian and gay group in the 1980s. Rasul said: “If my school had made LGBT+ people of every colour visible to me, I might have embraced every part of myself with pride.”
Dr Ben Barres, American neurobiologist
Dr Ben Barres was a neurobiologist at Standford University, and he became the first openly transgender scientist in the National Academy of Scientists in 2013. As a trans man, Krystof, 22, said he found “comfort and confidence” in Dr Barres story, “knowing that he has not only survived and thrived”.
Dr Barres transitioned in 1997, in the middle of his career, and he was appointed the chair of neurobiology at Stanford’s school of medicine. Krystof said Dr Barre’s story and career made the “idea of coming out” less scary because “I knew there was someone like me before”.
“It is important to see representation and for schools to teach about LGBT+ figures in all fields,” Krystof said.
Audre Lorde, American writer, feminist and civil rights activist
Dominic Arnall, chief executive of Just Like Us, said he had first read Audre Lorde‘s collection of essays Sister Outsider while he was working on a project on supporting LGBT+ rights activists in Russia. He said he became “completely enamoured by her writing style”.
“She wrote both with a profound wisdom and an innate understanding of the human condition and the systems that we operate in,” Arnall said. “Lorde had an ability to see a particular situation from many angles at the same time, drawing you to question what you already knew, including the systems by which you knew it.”
The self-described “Black, lesbian, mother, warrior poet” is best known for writings reflecting her hatred of racial and sexual prejudice. Lorde dedicated her life and creative works to confronting and addressing social injustices including racism, homophobia, sexism, classism and capitalism.
Arnall said he’s sent copies of Sister Outsiders to colleagues, friends and even his mother. He added: “It was a permanent fixture in my bag, in one instance finishing it only to start back at the beginning again, needing to ensure some detail had not escaped my memory.”
School Diversity Week is the annual celebration of LGBT+ inclusion in education run by charity Just Like Us. Schools and colleges in the UK can sign up now to take part ahead of 21 – 25 June – last year schools representing 1.9 million young people took part. Just Like Us also runs school talks and provides free home learning resources for parents.
Saturday, March 27 at 10 AM PST / 1 PM EST – register
These trainings are 2 hours maximum and following, you will have a chance to sign-up for direct opportunities on the efforts to welcome asylum seekers and campaigns Families Belong Together are a part of in the fight to end family separation and detention, and promotion of family dignity.
Saturday, March 27 @ 8 pm.’Celebrating Women in Music’ . Occidental Center for the Arts proudly carries on it’s longstanding Women’s History Month tradition with a blockbuster lineup performing songs written by women .This virtual event showcases a rich variety of exceptionally talented musicians across multiple genres, including Elliott Peck • Jenny Kerr & Philbilly Milner • Essence • Lara Louise • Emily Lois & Dave Monterey • Ariel Marin • Mariah Parker • Kate Vargas • Rainbow Girls • Solid Air • Nina Gerber & Chris Webster • Tumbleweed Soul • Nagavalli • Lucy Kaplansky • The Musers. This most excellent program will premier at 8 pm March 27th on YouTube and Facebook; available thereafter to replay from the comfort of your home. Free; Donations appreciated. OCA looks forward to when we can all gather safely again for live music! Keeping the Arts in Our Hearts atwww.occidentalcenterforthearts.org.
Bisexual women’s health and well-being may be affected by the gender and sexual orientation of their partner, according to a newstudy published in the Journal of Bisexuality.
Researchers asked more than 600 bisexual women (and those who report being attracted to more than one gender) about their mental health, how open they are about their sexuality, their experiences with discrimination, and any symptoms of depression. They also collected data about whether the respondents were single or in a relationship and about their partner’s sexual orientation and gender identity.
Among their findings is that bisexual women in relationships with heterosexual cisgender men were least likely to be open about their sexual orientation.
“Most research about relationships has been focused on heterosexual couples,” Casey Xavier Hall, a postdoctoral research fellow at the Institute for Sexual and Gender Minority Health at Northwestern University and lead author on the article, told NBC News. “There is very little relationship research around bi people’s relationships. There are meaningful differences in relationships depending on the sexual and gender identity of bi women’s partners.”
Outness
Bisexual women in relationships with cisgender lesbian women, bisexual cisgender women partners, and bisexual cisgender men partners were more likely to be out than those partnered with heterosexual men.
“Outness” was measured by asking participants, “How out/open are you about your sexual orientation?” with answers ranging from “out to nobody” to “out to everyone.”
Researchers speculated that bi women may be more comfortable disclosing their sexual orientation when in a relationship with a woman. However, bi women were more likely to be out with a bisexual male partner than a heterosexual male partner, suggesting that a shared bisexual identity might be meaningful.
“What’s unique about our finding is that bi women in relationships with bi men were also more likely to be out, compared to bi women in relationships with heterosexual cisgender men,” Xavier Hall said. “It’s about both the sexual and gender identity of the partner.”
Discrimination
Researchers found that the gender and sexual orientation of bisexual women’s partners mattered for their experiences of discrimination and the basis of their sexual identity.
“Relative to participants in relationships with heterosexual cisgender men, reports of discrimination experiences were higher among participants in relationships with lesbian cisgender women, bisexual cisgender women, bisexual cisgender men, and participants who are single,” the study states.
Xavier Hall said the exact reasons for this finding are unclear.
“The visibility of your identity could be at play,” he said. “If you are visibly queer, you may experience more discrimination.”
Xavier Hall also said that bisexual women experience two forms of stigma: homophobia and monosexism.
Monosexism is a kind of stigma experienced by individuals who are attracted to multiple genders, such as bisexuals, pansexuals and some other queer-identifying individuals. The stigma derives from the idea that monosexual identities like gay or heterosexual are normal or superior to sexual identities that are gender inclusive, according to Xavier Hall.
“More research is needed to understand what leads to the discrimination piece,” he said.
Depression
The study also found that bisexual women with cisgender lesbian partners had fewer depressive symptoms compared to single bi women.
Previous research found differences in mental health between bisexual women in relationships with women and men but had not explored the role of female partners’ sexual orientation.
“This makes me want to see more research looking at female-female relationships accounting for differences in partner sexual identity to really know if there are differences and to understand what might account for those differences,” Xavier Hall said.
The House of Representatives last month passed the Equality Act, a landmark assemblage of LGBTQ anti-discrimination measures that’s gotten strong support from President Joe Biden.
If passed, the law would explicitly provide protections to LGBTQ people across key areas, including employment, housing, education, public accommodations and federally funded programs.
But one provision in the bill could also have a big impact on how the gay community interacts with the American legal system. It would bar attorneys from rejecting prospective jurors simply because they are LGBTQ.
Though there are some classifications that cannot be used as criteria for pre-emptive exclusion during jury selection — including race and gender — sexual orientation and gender identity aren’t among them currently.
That means a litigator can make sure a lesbian plaintiff in a discrimination suit has an all-straight jury. And a prosecutor can pre-emptively strike an LGBTQ juror from a case involving a transgender defendant.
Right now, Section 1862, title 28 of United States Code prohibits exclusion from jury service “on account of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, or economic status.” The Equality Act would amend the statute’s definition of sex to explicitly include sexual orientation and gender identity.
Sasha Buchert, senior attorney at Lambda Legal, an LGBQT rights group, said the provision can “help ensure that LGBTQ people are treated equally under the law.”
“The need for a fair jury selection process is especially important to the transgender community because a disproportionate number of transgender people come into contact with the criminal justice system,” she told NBC News.
Only eight states expressly prohibit peremptory challenges against LGBTQ jurors, according to the Human Rights Campaign. Efforts to pass a federal law have failed at least four times, most recently in 2019.
Without clear guidance, it is “certainly possible” a case on the matter could reach the Supreme Court, Buchert said.
Last week Rep. Mondaire Jones, D-N.Y, introduced the Juror Non-Discrimination Act of 2021, a standalone bill that could make sexual orientation and gender identity protected categories in jury selection even if the Equality Act fails to cross the finish line.
“Juries are supposed to be reflective of the community,” Jones told NBC News. “But we don’t meet that constitutional standard when we allow entire swaths of the community to be kept out.”
The issue was first addressed by the courts in a 2014 pharmaceutical suit involving HIV drugs, when Judge Stephen R. Reinhardt of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals stopped Abbott Laboratories from dismissing a gay man from the jury.
“Gays and lesbians have been systematically excluded from the most important institutions of self-governance,” Reinhardt wrote in his opinion. “Strikes exercised on the basis of sexual orientation continue this deplorable tradition of treating gays and lesbians as undeserving of participation in our nation’s most cherished rites and rituals.”
Critics say it’s almost impossible to prove why a potential juror was rejected. If accused of striking someone because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, trial lawyers can always deny doing so and come up with another reason within the law. In the Abbott Laboratories case, attorneys for the company never gave a rationale for their peremptory challenge. It was Reinhardt who decided the reason was because one juror had mentioned his male partner during voir dire.
But the fight is personal for Jones. As a gay Black man and an attorney, he said he’s “distinctly aware of the discrimination that is permissible in the courtroom.”
And he doesn’t want to leave a potential remedy in the hands of the judicial system.
“We cannot rely on the Supreme Court, especially one with a 6-3 conservative majority, to evaluate our rights on a piecemeal basis,” he said.Jones, a former litigator in Westchester County, said if either the Equality Act or the Juror Non-Discrimination Act is enacted, “it will tell members of the LGBTQ community that there’s no place for discrimination in this country, starting with where equal treatment under the law comes from. There’s no other place that’s more American than our judicial system.”
He’s optimistic about the Equality Act’s chances but says there’d be a certain poetry if his first bill to become law was “one that affords dignity to the LGBTQ community.”
“I spent most of my life deathly afraid of people finding out I was gay,” he said. “I never thought someone like me could even run for Congress, so this would be extremely meaningful.”
One of three World Premieres at this year’s QUEER SCREEN’S MARDI GRAS FILM FESTIVAL in Sydney Australia is a truly delightful feel-good road movie, The debut feature from queer Greek filmmaker STELIOS KAMMITSIS is one of those romances you are never sure will work, but the journey is so worth it anyway.
It all starts in a seaside town in Greece where Victor VASILIS MAGOULIOTIS an ex-Olympic diving champion is now looking after his very sick grandmother. He’s quite a loner content to get part time work in a local upholstery factory, but when his granny dies, he decides its time to leave town.
Many years ago his mother had done just exactly that taking of with a hot German who became her husband and together they started their own family in Bavaria. We gather from odd phone calls that this is still a sore point for Victor who has unresolved issues.
She just didn’t leave Victor at the time, but she also left her old Audi which up to now had been collecting moths in the garage. It does at least still work so Victor sets forth to drive on to the Ferry that will take him to Italy.
Whilst onboard he attracts the attention Matthias ANTON WEIL of an overly confident German ‘student’ who is returning home after another summer running wild on Greek island beaches. Victor may be totally unaware, but we can see Matthias is flirting with him but we are not sure if it is to get a lift in the car, or if he has an alternative motive.
They make strange traveling companions . The uptight Victor doesn’t want to talk about why he is making the journey, and insists that they take the fastest route using the big motorways. Chatty Matthias on other hand, outs his foot down and makes Victor drive on secondary roads that take them through some stunning Italian scenery.
At one point Matthias makes him pull over on the pretext he wants to go toilet at the roadside whereas in fact he wants to swim in the lake. It takes so persuading to get Victor to join him, and when he does we can finally see him starting to relax.
The trip is not without incident as they get pulled over for speeding and Victor is also ticketed for not having a driving license. We have no real idea of Victor’s sexuality at this point as it is quite irrelevant, yet what we see is the two of them bickering at times like an old married couple.
At a side stop to attend a wedding of friends of Matthias, a very relaxed and drunk Victor is starting to realise that his feelings for his new friend is something that he wasn’t prepared for.
When they finally reach Victor’s mother home there is a birthday party in full swing for his very young step -brother, and we know that this reunion is not going to turn out like anything he had planned in his mind. But then again, neither will this road trip.
Beautifully written, and kudos to Kammitsis for making two extremely authentic and well-rounded characters so well played by his two talented leads. Its a refreshing wee tale that is totally unpredictable https://www.youtube.com/embed/rSQAqHwgsVs
Gender policing? Ever hear of it? Let’s talk about it.
I recently got into a social media scuff with an acquaintance over a comedic video she starred in. The video short stars a woman on a date with a man, and the “funny” part of the video is that she is trying to determine if he is gay or straight based on his clothing and job. Her reactions in the video are those of shock and disgust, often scrunching her face into a grimace that would be appalling in real life as a reaction to a stranger’s clothing. Especially on a date.ADVERTISING
You see, beyond the overall judgmental tone of the video being so 2000 and late, the man in the video is in fact gay, so the “funny” parts according to the actor and producer are that they are leaning into the stereotype intentionally of what a gay man is thought to look like. Completely unaware that they are deciding what is correct clothing for a person based on their sexual orientation.
That is a big problem, and sadly when I confronted my acquaintance about it she told me she would not listen to my messages imploring her to take down the video, and she was shocked I cared so much. When I further pushed her to explain what was funny about the video, she referenced the dated character of “Pat” on Saturday Night Live and likened the character to that. Let’s be clear, in 2020 a gender-ambiguous character like “Pat” would no longer be allowed on SNL because of the inappropriate tone, but I digress, let’s dive into this one a bit more.
The first shock-and-awe moment intended to make us laugh is that the man on the date removes his coat to be wearing the same top as the woman. Shock. Horror. A man in a woman’s blouse instantly means he’s gay? Why is that funny? She couldn’t really answer.
The second big shock is that he works at Claire’s accessories. She instantly mocks him and scrunches her face as if she got a bad whiff of something. Because a man working at a jewelry store is so gay, haha.
The video continues, but you get the point.
You see, as a feminine gay man, I have been gender-policed almost since birth. We all are. Blue is for boys, pink is for girls. It is literally ingrained for most from the time we enter the world. But that doesn’t make it OK, and it certainly shouldn’t make it the subject of comedic relief.
I was so petite in my youth, teachers would often mistake me for a girl on the first day of school. Most gay men sympathize with being called “ma’am” on the phone at some point. I remember when it happened I would then lean into it, pretending to be a woman, so that I wasn’t embarrassed when I had to admit, “I’m a boy, I just sound like this.”
Even to this day as a trainer who works in media, I am told often that I am too gay or too feminine for certain roles, auditions, or opportunities simply because of my appearance. Those ideas of what a man should look like have been accepted for centuries as the norm. Luckily, I’m as thick-skinned as they come. I had to be, because I didn’t look like the other boys and I enjoyed feminine things. I became a professional ballet dancer and years later, I started wearing heels as part of my profession, walking on runways for NYFW in sky-high stilettos. I am in fact a raging homosexual, but every other male dancer in my company was straight as can be. They often lamented how hard it was to be in a profession they love and constantly judged and mocked because of it.https://www.instagram.com/p/CIzALIqhvbG/embed/captioned/?cr=1&v=6&wp=910&rd=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.advocate.com&rp=%2Fcommentary%2F2021%2F1%2F15%2Fgender-policing-jokes-are-costing-lgbtq-lives#%7B%22ci%22%3A0%2C%22os%22%3A1815%7D
We find out in the video that the man is in fact gay, so his silky matching top and choice to work at Claire’s are “explained,” and yet there’s still no comedy to this. It’s as if the video sets out to determine what is acceptable for a man to wear, and if it’s not, then he must be gay.
Harry Styles recently caused a huge conversation by wearing a petticoat in Vogue. A whole online movement of “Make men look like men again” was born and letters of disgust poured in. The important thing to remember here is that the clothes we wear are just that. Pieces of fabric that make us happy, or comfortable, and they do not need a justification to anyone, and they certainly should not be used to judge a person’s sexual orientation. There is no rule on how a gay man should dress, nor should there be on what a straight man can wear, or any human for that matter.
Gender policing does real harm. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among LGB people ages 10 to 24. LGB youth are fives times as likely to have attempted suicide as opposed to heterosexual counterparts, according to the Trevor Project. Over 6,000 homeless teens roam the streets of Los Angeles nightly, often vilified and kicked out of their own homes for being gay. Those kids are nearly 10 times more likely to commit suicide than straight teens their same age. Additionally. hate crimes are on the rise across the globe.
I should make a point to say that there were dozens of positive comments on this video. None of the commenters were wearing a silky blouse so I’m not sure if they’re gay or not, but I was the only one who spoke out against the content. Of course, when I shared it on social media those in my network instantly realized what was wrong with it.
Who does this antiquated way of sussing up one’s sexual preference hurt the most? The one’s who can’t hide it, like me. I was never passable as a straight person, not once in my life. When I walk into a room I am instantly judged or made assumptions about based on my appearance. I’m gay and you can tell, but what about the ones not out yet, or still struggling with their own self-realization? I was strong enough to get through it and in fact, it is what made me who I am, but not everyone is and that’s why this sort of “comedic” stance on gender policing needs to stop.
Any person gay or straight can wear a shirt designed for a woman.
Any person gay or straight can work at Claire’s if they wish.
Any person should be able to dress how they please, without fear of being judged or persecuted for their sexual preference.
I consider 2020 to be the year of revelations, where old antiquated ways of thinking are finally falling behind. As recently as June this year, for the first time ever, LGBTQ+ people have workplace protection in all 50 states thanks to a Supreme Court decision. Before then, over 15 states could fire you for being gay. Obviously, lots of work is still to be done.
So while videos like this one on Instagram may seem funny to you, I implore you to stop and think about why you think it’s funny. To the woman who prompted this article, I hope you read this. You told me you wouldn’t and that you don’t care about my opinion, but I hope you change your mind. I believe what we focus on expands, so let’s throw away these lame-ass stereotypes and focus on acceptance. Whether you’re a man who loves to wear ball gowns or a woman who lives in men’s clothing, it doesn’t make you anything but a human wearing a piece of fabric.
Jason Wimberly is a Los Angeles–based celebrity personal trainer. His signature method “Wimberlean” has attracted followers like Jane Lynch and Selma Blair. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter.
One of the many powers wielded by Congress is the ability to delegate to the president the authority to negotiate most kinds of free trade agreements (“FTAs”) through trade promotion authority (“TPA”). TPA legislation allows Congress to articulate its objectives for FTAs negotiated by the executive branch and facilitates the smooth passage of FTAs in Congress through expedited approval procedures, including “up or down” simple majority votes on completed FTAs without the opportunity for amendment. The current TPA legislation, signed into law in 2015, will lapse this summer, prompting questions on whether and when the Biden administration will seek, and Congress will grant renewed TPA. Whenever TPA is ultimately renewed, Congress should ensure that the legislation includes a provision aimed at securing the rights of LGBT individuals in the countries with which the United States executes FTAs.
The process of renewing TPA provides Congress with an opportunity to revisit its priorities for U.S. trade policy. These priorities are laid out in negotiating objectives enumerated in the TPA legislation and must be pursued by the executive branch in its FTA negotiations to ensure passage of any negotiated agreement by Congress. Examples of negotiating objectives contained in the current TPA legislation include protecting and preserving the environment, promoting respect for worker rights, and securing greater market access and enhancing the competitiveness of the United States. ADVERTISING
While Congress has yet to consider the next set of negotiating objectives to be included in renewed TPA legislation, many members have already vocalized their support for a more progressive trade agenda. Consistent with this vision for U.S. trade policy, a negotiating objective focused on securing a minimum standard for LGBT rights in U.S. FTA partners would reflect a logical outgrowth of current negotiating objectives, prevailing public sentiment, and good economic policy.
An LGBT rights negotiating objective would represent a meaningful and logical improvement upon current negotiating objectives. For example, a principal negotiating objective in the current TPA legislation is to “ensure that a party to a trade agreement with the United States does not waive or otherwise derogate from…its statutes or regulations implementing internationally recognized core labor standards…” Such core labor standards include “the elimination of discrimination in respect of employment and occupation.” Consistent with this objective, the United States has already endorsed protections against workplace discrimination of LGBT people in the United States-Mexico-Canada Agreement (albeit at the discretion of each party). Building on this progress, Congress could adopt a negotiating objective aimed at securing a broader set of LGBT rights, demanding the decriminalization of same-sex sexual orientation and protections against discrimination and violence against LGBT people. Such negotiating objective would, in effect, set a floor above which U.S. trading partners must rise to secure commercially-advantageous deals with the United States.
An LGBT rights negotiating objective is also consistent with prevailing public sentiment. Considering the rise of LGBT Americans to new heights in the Biden administration, and the upswell in support for LGBT rights in the United States, it is unimaginable that the United States would negotiate FTAs with countries that arrest and jail LGBT individuals on account of their sexual orientation. Yet, the Obama Administration did just that during its Trans-Pacific Partnership (“TPP”) negotiations with Brunei, a country with an abysmal LGBT rights record. Under the Trump administration, the United States also commenced FTA negotiations with Kenya, a country that criminalizes homosexuality and where, according to the U.S. Department of State, “{v}iolence and discrimination against LGBT{} individuals {i}s widespread.” The American people expect that the United States does not reward countries that fail to respect the dignity of human life with lucrative FTAs. This expectation should be enshrined as law, and not subject to mere executive branch discretion.
Finally, and in addition to the positive human rights outcomes that would result from an LGBT rights negotiating objective, such a provision would economically benefit the United States. Just as ensuring U.S. FTA partners’ compliance with fundamental labor rights such as the freedom of association makes American labor more cost competitive, so too does ensuring the full integration and just compensation of LGBT workers overseas. The scale of underemployment and wage discrimination against sexual orientation and gender minorities in major economies is well documented. In South Africa, for example, the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles determined the cost of such underemployment and wage discrimination to be $316.8 million per year. Renewed TPA legislation should require that U.S. FTA partners eliminate such barriers to LGBT equality as a matter of economic policy.
Although an LGBT rights negotiating objective will almost certainly face criticism from trade “purists” – those who believe social prerogatives have no place in trade policy – and social conservatives, fighting to include such a provision in renewed TPA legislation is a battle worth waging. There has never been a better political climate to integrate and pursue jointly important U.S. economic and human rights objectives, and the Democratic-controlled Congress should seize the opportunity.
Zachary Simmons is an international trade attorney at Steptoe & Johnson LLP in Washington, D.C., and previously served in the Office of the Chief Counsel for Trade Enforcement and Compliance at the US Department of Commerce and the Office of General Counsel at the Office of the United States Trade Representative. He chairs GATT DC, the association of LGBT professionals in international trade and development.